8 Months

So, the pic isn't that great, pretty fuzzy, but you can see the belly and that is all that matters. Here I am, 8 months along and a hormonal mess!! I swear this week I could cry at a drop at a hat!! So, maybe blogging about it will help to releave some of it.

First off, I love my daughter more than anything in the world. But holy cow can she push me to the limits. She, for whatever reason, doesn't listen to me. When she wants something, instead of just asking she immediately goes to whining. I guess she is just being a 2 year old, but man oh man some days I just wanna pull my hair out. When it gets to the point that I am at my limit I could just cry. I don't know if it is just harder b/c I'm pregnant and don't really feel completely like myself or what it is. Some days I even question myself as a mom, some days I wonder if it would just be best for me to go back to working part-time, maybe it would make me a better mom. But I don't know. Hopefully it'll get better once I am not pregnant anymore. I know it isn't going to be easier with 2, but atleast I will be myself and that will be one less thing and I'll be able to focus on the kids 100%.

So now that I've made myself sound like a horrible mom let's move onto me being a crappy wife. My poor husband has been having to reassure me atleast once a week that I'm not gross and that. I have been finding myself wanting more of his attention and affection. Then we are in the middle of remodeling and I've been getting frustrated with it not being done yet, but he works so I can't expect it to be done right away. It's not fair to him to expect him to work on it every night after work. Plus, he can't work on it if I'm wanting him to spend time with me. I'm telling ya, these hormones of mine have got me jumping all over the place!!

Then today, I read a friends blog and all I could do is cry. She is such an awesome woman and has been thru so much but it just seems like life keeps throwing her lemons, but you know what, she keeps making lemonaide. I honestly don't know how she does it and I'm sure there are days when she thinks that to herself, but if you were to meet her she is the most upbeat person I know. I have yet to find her in a bad mood or unwilling to help when someone needs it. I try to think of comforting words to tell her, but I don't want to sound so "awww" to her. You know, the words that everyone says to you. Like she has described it before "when people tilt their head to one side and say how are you." I don't want to be like that, but boy I just want to be able to comfort her. It's like I know she has to be hurting and there isn't anything I can do to help take it away. I guess the best thing for me to do is just be there. I know that she is reading this, I'm here, I'm always here!!! You can call me and I'm there in a minute!

Anyways, I'm telling ya. Today is just a super emotional day for me and I don't know why. As far as the pregnancy goes. Nothing is bad about it, I'm getting uncomfortable, but that is just being pregnant. I am starting to out grow all of my shirts. The shirts are getting to where either they aren't long enough to cover my belly and waste band on my pants or they look like a huge tent on me. This pregnancy I have been really wanting to avoid the tent and wear shirts that tie and that to show off my belly. I am enjoying feeling him move so much. He is such an active baby!! I go back to the doctor next week for another ultrasound and then my appointments are every week. The week after my ultrasound I start my nonstress tests. I'm not sure how often I have to have those, but I know there will be a few. I am hoping that I will be induced on July 19th, that is 10 days before my due date. Matt told me over the weekend "you know you are gonna have a c-section, he's gonna be 10lbs 7oz". I was like, "well I guess you better be prepared to take some more time off of work so that you can help out." I don't want a c section, that scares me to no end, but I will do whatever is best for Chase. That is my only concern with this pregnancy is that he is ok.

So, now that you have been every which way with me thru this post. Going from one thing to another with no rhyme or reason. You have been able to sense a little bit of my emotional rollercoaster. I just go from one thing to another.