Typical 27 year old?

Ok. So what usually goes thru the typical 27 year olds mind? Well, first off it will depend on whether you have children or if you are still in party mode. So, let's see. Let's go thru what a partier thinks, but since I'm not one then I will just have to go with what I think one thinks about. You have the thoughts of what party to go to this weekend, what happened last weekend. Heck you may still be recovering from the hangover!! You are working, but wondering what you are gonna do after work. Probably go hit the bars, maybe get a little shopping in or just hang out with your friends. Since I'm not that kind of 27 year old, I'm not gonna go any further and if I offended anyone, I'm sorry. I just think that might be my thoughts if I was the 27 year old partier.

Ok, now the 27 that has a family. You think about laundry, and dishes and cleaning. You think about your kids and anytime they show any signs of sickness, you wonder what it could be. You think about the bills and what to fix for supper. You think about how it is completely crazy that your kids are growing up and that you've been out of school for 10 years. Your worries are more of bills and things that go wrong. You know what I mean, the heat isn't working, there is something wrong with the car. You know, the typical every day crap. Well, for me and a couple of my friends these aren't as big of worries right now. We just had a friend pass away from cancer. A 27 year old friend!! What!! People my age pass away??? This is bad, but it is heightened by the fact that another classmate passed away 3 weeks before her. Really, death is a possibility for people my age?? It isn't suppose to be!! Now instead of talking about what the kids are doing or the gossip of tv shows. Me and my friend are talking about getting complete check-ups. Talking about colonoscopies. This really has us scared to death. If this can happen to her, then why couldn't it happen to us? I mean, she was a nurse, she had a fiance and 2 beautiful little girls. She smoked, but her lungs were fine. She drank, but not enough to make a difference in her health. She passed away the 17th and there isn't a day that she doesn't cross my mind. I dream about her every night almost. Sometimes they are happy dreams and other times it is her when she was battling her cancer and she is in the hospital. I went and visited her grave on Christmas Eve. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't comforting. It was a big messy pile of dirt. It just seemed wrong. I knew it would be a pile of dirt, but it just seemed so much worse then what I expected.

So, I am totally running around in circles with my thoughts and my words might not make any sense and I may even repeat myself. I've been trying to write about Nicki and how I feel about her death, but just haven't been able to find the words. But even tho it might be a jumble of words, I still want to write it.

Nicki and I were friends in school, but like a lot of people, we lost touch after high school. I feel so guilty for not being there for her when she was going thru this. I know she wasn't alone, but I feel horrible for not being there for support. I went to visit her the 12th (Saturday) when she was in the hospital. She slept and I watched. I had so many thoughts running thru my mind. I was remembering the past and I was also kicking myself for not being there sooner. I sat there for 2 hours just watching her. I held it together. She woke a couple of times and knew I was there. She said my name and asked how I was doing. But then she would be asleep in only a matter of a couple of minutes. She went home on Monday and passed away on Thursday. I didn't see her alive again. I went to her viewing, I held it together. Then I went to her funeral, I lost it. There were moments when I just sobbed. Her little girls were there. What exactly do you say to her family in this moment? I told her girls that they were beautiful. I reminded her fiance that I was there to help if he needed anything and I apologized to her Mom for not being there. We then went to the cemetary and had the burial. I hadn't planned on going to the funeral dinner afterwards, but her mom asked if I was going. How can you say no? So, I went and I am so glad I did. It was a happy time. I got to talk with some of the girls that she worked with. There was even one girl that could have been her twin. I told some stories about Nicki from school. It was a good time for rememberance. It was helpful.
I really don't know what all this post says and I know it isn't in any flowing manner, but that is just how my mind is working right now. So I'll leave it at now we all have a new angel looking over us. She is our mexican angel!! Rest in Peace Nicki and I will see you again some day!!