What 2010 has brought to me, my family and friends. Continuing to greive the loss of friend. Nephew turning 6, Emma turning 4, Mom & Dad's 36 years together, good friend finding out she is having a little girl, MIL's birthday, Matt's birthday and Gpa Jack turning 79!! Good health for me, my kids, my dad and siblings. A hiatal hernia for my hubby, a month long migraine for my mom, hubby's cousin's house fire, mil surgery, uncle's surgery, real good friends surgery, another friend getting a divorse, another friend's grandparent passing away and possible surgery for hubby to fix hiatal hernia. So, here I am venting, b/c so many people are not getting a very good start to the new year. But you know what, I am going to pray for those that need help and praise God for all I do have. My silver lining is, we go on vacation in March!!! YAY!! It is gonna be much needed!!!!

I am my mother's child

Lately I have been thinking about who I am. What qualities I have gotten from each of my parents. I must say, that I take after my dad a lot! I have a quick temper, major road rage, bull headed, stubborn, strong, can be quite jealous and don't let people take advantage of me. I was starting to wonder if I had any qualities from my mom. Well, I have one of her best qualities, her heart. I care for people, I may not come across that way sometimes, but I truely do. I hate to see people suffering and sad. I recently had a friend from school pass away and I am beating myself up for not being there for her. I should have been by her side for all that she went thru. I should have been her strength, I should have helped her with her family. I should have been one of those people that she would call to just talk and get things off her chest. I should of, but I wasn't. We drifted apart like a lot of people do after school. I have another friend that we had a falling out bc of her death. Even tho I am still hurt by it all, I will still be there for her if she needs me. Right now I don't know if she deserves for me to do that, but that doesn't matter to me. I'll be there, no questions asked. I have another friend that we had a falling out a year or so ago, but we are good now. I will always be there for her too. I will be there for any of my friends. I will do anything I can to help them out, to make them smile. They are my friends and I love them all and I will always be there for them. That is my mom in me. She is such a kind and caring person, grant it, she has quite a bigger heart than me, but I am blessed to have part of her heart. I thank her for that, I am so grateful for that quality. I have always said that if I am half the woman that she is that I will consider myself blessed, I don't know if I am quite to half, but as I get older I am finding myself to be more like her. I am finding myself to have a kinder heart. I know I am rambling, but that is what my mind has been like for a while now. Maybe you can find sense in this blog, hopefully you can. I'll end with something that just made me feel awesome, I got the best compliment this week. I was doing a text forward saying "You are driving down the road and a song came on that made you think of me. What is the song." One of my friends replied Wind Beneath My Wings bc you are a lot of ppls strength. That is the best compliment I have ever received. Thanks!!! You have made my year!!!

Ready for 2011!

So, I'm not at all impressed with 2010! Let's see we did have a wonderful start tho! Emma has turned 4 and we had a Spiderman party for her. I really don't know what the obssession is with Spiderman, but it doesn't really matter. She had a blast at her party.
Now onto the not so good. Mom has had a migraine for over a week now. They can't seem to get rid of it. She has tried the normal demeral shot that usually takes them away, but it hasn't worked. They said she needs to make an appt with a nuerologist and get a scan on her head. She said she doesn't need it, but I will make sure she gets it!!
Matt has been having really bad stomach pains. It hurts all the time, but especially after he eats. We go tomorrow to get an ultrasound on his gull bladder, then Tuesday we go for an upper gi to check for ulcers. I'm not sure what I want to come of all of this. I wish he was just fine, but he isn't. So, I guess it would be best for them to find what is wrong and fix it.
One of my really good friends has to talk to a surgeon about her gull bladder and she might have to have it taken out. Then my mother-in-law has to have surgery on her shoulder.
So, let's see...it is the 12th day of the new year and I'm ready for it to be over!! But let's look at the silver lining...(I have always tried to find the silver lining for everyone else, but I'm gonna start doing it for myself too) I have my health, I am able to help the ones going thru these things. I may be worn down and exhausted, but atleast I am able to be those things. I am able to still stand strong and be there for those who need me. My kids are healthy and crazy. There isn't anything wrong with them, they are healthy active kids!!
I have more I would like to blog about but to tell ya the truth, I really don't feel like sitting here any longer typing. lol Hopefully, I will get back on here soon and blog some more.

Typical 27 year old?

Ok. So what usually goes thru the typical 27 year olds mind? Well, first off it will depend on whether you have children or if you are still in party mode. So, let's see. Let's go thru what a partier thinks, but since I'm not one then I will just have to go with what I think one thinks about. You have the thoughts of what party to go to this weekend, what happened last weekend. Heck you may still be recovering from the hangover!! You are working, but wondering what you are gonna do after work. Probably go hit the bars, maybe get a little shopping in or just hang out with your friends. Since I'm not that kind of 27 year old, I'm not gonna go any further and if I offended anyone, I'm sorry. I just think that might be my thoughts if I was the 27 year old partier.

Ok, now the 27 that has a family. You think about laundry, and dishes and cleaning. You think about your kids and anytime they show any signs of sickness, you wonder what it could be. You think about the bills and what to fix for supper. You think about how it is completely crazy that your kids are growing up and that you've been out of school for 10 years. Your worries are more of bills and things that go wrong. You know what I mean, the heat isn't working, there is something wrong with the car. You know, the typical every day crap. Well, for me and a couple of my friends these aren't as big of worries right now. We just had a friend pass away from cancer. A 27 year old friend!! What!! People my age pass away??? This is bad, but it is heightened by the fact that another classmate passed away 3 weeks before her. Really, death is a possibility for people my age?? It isn't suppose to be!! Now instead of talking about what the kids are doing or the gossip of tv shows. Me and my friend are talking about getting complete check-ups. Talking about colonoscopies. This really has us scared to death. If this can happen to her, then why couldn't it happen to us? I mean, she was a nurse, she had a fiance and 2 beautiful little girls. She smoked, but her lungs were fine. She drank, but not enough to make a difference in her health. She passed away the 17th and there isn't a day that she doesn't cross my mind. I dream about her every night almost. Sometimes they are happy dreams and other times it is her when she was battling her cancer and she is in the hospital. I went and visited her grave on Christmas Eve. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't comforting. It was a big messy pile of dirt. It just seemed wrong. I knew it would be a pile of dirt, but it just seemed so much worse then what I expected.

So, I am totally running around in circles with my thoughts and my words might not make any sense and I may even repeat myself. I've been trying to write about Nicki and how I feel about her death, but just haven't been able to find the words. But even tho it might be a jumble of words, I still want to write it.

Nicki and I were friends in school, but like a lot of people, we lost touch after high school. I feel so guilty for not being there for her when she was going thru this. I know she wasn't alone, but I feel horrible for not being there for support. I went to visit her the 12th (Saturday) when she was in the hospital. She slept and I watched. I had so many thoughts running thru my mind. I was remembering the past and I was also kicking myself for not being there sooner. I sat there for 2 hours just watching her. I held it together. She woke a couple of times and knew I was there. She said my name and asked how I was doing. But then she would be asleep in only a matter of a couple of minutes. She went home on Monday and passed away on Thursday. I didn't see her alive again. I went to her viewing, I held it together. Then I went to her funeral, I lost it. There were moments when I just sobbed. Her little girls were there. What exactly do you say to her family in this moment? I told her girls that they were beautiful. I reminded her fiance that I was there to help if he needed anything and I apologized to her Mom for not being there. We then went to the cemetary and had the burial. I hadn't planned on going to the funeral dinner afterwards, but her mom asked if I was going. How can you say no? So, I went and I am so glad I did. It was a happy time. I got to talk with some of the girls that she worked with. There was even one girl that could have been her twin. I told some stories about Nicki from school. It was a good time for rememberance. It was helpful.
I really don't know what all this post says and I know it isn't in any flowing manner, but that is just how my mind is working right now. So I'll leave it at now we all have a new angel looking over us. She is our mexican angel!! Rest in Peace Nicki and I will see you again some day!!

I gave it all to Him!!!

So, I am one of those people that stress easily. And lately my stress has been money, probably like most of the rest of America since our economy is doing so great *ha ha*. Well, it's been getting to the point where I get knotts in my stomach and get the anxiety like I did after I had Emma. Not good at all!! Well, it had gotten to the point where I was up with Chase one morning (2am) and as I am sitting there rocking him I started to think about what bills had to come out of the next paycheck and started adding them up. My stomach started knotting up and I just thought to myself, this is ridiculous!!! So right then and there I just prayed that God would take care of it and I lifted my burdens up to Him. I honestly felt the weight of my burdens lifted off of my shoulders. It was awesome!! I had never experienced anything like it before. I can honestly say that I have not thought about what bills need paid and how much money we have. I know that God will take care of me and my family, it is just an awesome feeling!!! So, here I am. Learning to give my burdens to God and learning to walk closer to Him!! Things are truely looking up!!!

Vegas

Ok, so I went to Vegas last week. Here is how my experience went:
Saturday night we dropped the kids off at my parents house at bedtime. We had to leave early Sunday morning and didn't want to have to wake the kids up and plus they love spending the night at maw maw and paw paws house. So, we dropped them off and back home we went for last minute details on packing. Sunday morning we woke up at a wonderful 5am, ugh, and out the door by 6am. We had to pick up a guy Matt works with, mind you we went out there for a expo for Matt's work. Get to airport the wonderful 2hrs early like they ask and hurried up to wait. lol We got boarded onto a tiny little plane for my first ever flight. We flew the whopping 30 minutes from Dayton to Cleveland and then waited another 2hrs for our flight to Vegas. A lot of waiting was going on. Then we got on our flight to Vegas, which was a bigger plane, and headed off on our 4 or 5 hr flight, can't remember which it is. Everything was going great, the sights were awesome!! Then when it came to descending for our landing and it was getting bumpy, I wasn't too fond of it. But we made it safe and sound. We landed around 2 something and didn't set foot into our hotel room till 4. We then went and got a bite to eat at Margaritaville, which is some good eats!! Walked around a bit and sadly enough we was in bed at 8:30pm, we were whooped!!! lol
Since we got to bed so early we was up at 5:30am!!! So we walked down to Mc Donald's and then gambled a little bit and then Matt was off to his expo which meant I got a little more shut eye!! Matt came back to the hotel to get me for lunch, which mind you, it is actually hard to find somewhere to eat before 4pm, unless you wanna pay and arm and a leg!! The sites are awesome in Vegas!! The lights are awesome in Vegas!! Beautiful, but already I was ready to go home to my babies!! I was missing them already!! By Tuesday I was in full out missing them. I mean, we were sitting in Hooters and I was ready to cry from missing them so much!! I didn't think it would be that bad, but man I just wanted to go home!!! But we were able to get my mind off of it, but going to 2 shows. They were so funny!! It was a great time and we actually stayed up later Monday and Tuesday nights!!lol But we never truely got on Vegas time!!
Wednesday was the day from hell!!! We went to a timeshare thing so we could get some free stuff, it was only suppose to be 90 minutes and it ended up taking us 5 HOURS!!! We did mind you buy a sample timeshare, but come on 5 HOURS!! We were both pissed and hungry by the time it was all said and done. We went and got something to eat and guess what, I got diarehha from it!!! Yep, not a good day!! I spent pretty much the rest of the night in the hotel room. Then not only was that bad enuf, but the lovely diarehha lasted thru the next morning. So there I am at the airport sitting as close to the bathroom as I could waiting on the plane. I think I totalled up going 8 times in a 9hr time frame and 3 of those hours I was sleeping!! Yea, I know, too much detail, but you gotta know what the day was like. I felt horrid and was so scared I wouldn't make it thru takeoff. Well, I fell asleep on the plane before we ever took off, slept for an hour and woke up feeling fine!! Thank goodness!!! This day was just like Sunday, a lot of hurrying up to wait! We finally made it to pick up the kids at 8pm and boy was I so happy to see them. That night, they weren't as excited as I hoped, but boy were they come Friday morning!! I missed them so incredibly much and don't plan on leaving them like that for a very very very long time!!!
Now, I left out a lot of detail, which I will post in another blog, but I knew if I didn't write something now, it would never get wrote. lol
So, all in all, Vegas is a nice town, but not the town for us! We most likely won't be going back, atleast not for several years!!

2 1/2 Months!

Wow, I haven't blogged for 2 1/2 months. I don't know why, I guess I just don't take the time to type everything that is going on.
Emma's update:
She is still doing awesome using the potty, we just now have to get her to go thru the night. But there are times that she will wake up to go potty and sometimes she even wakes up completely dry. She still has the attitude of a teenage girl and it seems as tho it is getting worse. Man oh man, I don't know how I will deal when she is actually a teenager. Even tho she does have the attitude times, she is still a very sweet and caring little girl. Whenever she has something to eat she always shares it with Chase. She loves to be outside working with Daddy, she even picked going out to the woods with Daddy over going to Maw and Paws (that really surprised me). She is super smart!! We have a preschool workbook and Matt goes over it with her a lot. She knows her shapes and colors and even some numbers, but what surprises me is she can do patterns. Meaning in the book it will go circle square circle square circle then leave a blank and she knows it is a square. She can even do it when it has 3 different things in the pattern. She just amazes me!!! The beginning of September she started gymnastics. She LOVES it!!! I am so glad I put her in it. I'm thinking of putting her in a different gymnastics, b/c the one she is in they don't really do much and they really aren't all that organized. It was just convenient since it was in town. But there you have it, my fun loving, adorable little attitude girl!! I love her to death!!!
Update on Chase:
Oh man, he is a true monkey!! He is climbing on everything!!! He will pull out the dining room table chair and climb on that and then climb onto the table!! We was outside and he climbed up on the rider mower and then stood on top of the seat! Oh boy does he know how to give me a heart attack!! He currently has 11 teeth and is working on 12. He has broke the last 3 thru in the last 2 weeks, he has been so cranky (they are the molars)!! He got an ear infection, runny nose and a fever that took forever to go away and it was all from teething!!! He is an awesome little boy and trust me he is all boy!!! Even tho he does like to throw my purse on his shoulder. lol He can be quite mean at times. Tell him no or try taking something from him and he is quick to bite!! Plus he likes to slap. I sure hope this doesn't last too much longer!! He still takes a bottle to go to sleep, but that is the only time. I think I will break him after we get back from Vegas (yep, we're heading to Vegas but more on that latere). He is so full of energy and is a mama's boy with a small streak of being daddy's boy. lol He is my little man and he is so freakin cute with his blue eyes. I love him so much!!!
Ok, yep, we are going to Vegas. Just the hubs and I. We leave on a Sunday morning and don't return till Thursday evening and that is without kids. I'm totally excited to have time with my hubby and to be able to sleep in, but I'm just worried about leaving my kids. I mean, Chase is a mama's boy, what is he going to do without me?? Is he going to be ok?? Will he think his mommy left him?? Is Emma gonna freak out and cry and miss us to hysterics?? I know they will be ok, but really am I??? It was one of those trips we couldn't pass up. My hubby's work is sending him for a expo. So, all we have to pay for is my plane tickets, my food and whatever extra stuff we wanna do. How can ya beat that? Plus who knows if this will ever happen like this again, meaning I don't have a job that I have to use vacation for and my mil is off of work and able to watch them. What are the chances of everything working out like that again?? So, I gotta start packing and figuring out what I am taking. It is currenly 60 here and today was suppose to be a high of 100 in Vegas!!! So there is the fun part of what is going on!!
Just last week my hubby figured out how much we are in debt. Which I must say the number isn't really all that bad, seeing that A LOT of people pay more than that on a house. But we are figuring out what we need to pay off in what order. Hopefully we can get them paid off within the next 5 years, well besides the mortgage. I would be happy with that. Wow, in 5 years Emma will be 8 and Chase 6, I can't believe that I will have kids those ages. That means also that I will be 32 and my hubby 33, which age doesn't bother me. I may think it is totally crazy that I am that age, but it doesn't bother me that I am that age. Know what I mean??
Everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant, trying to get pregnant or having babies!! I am so happy for them, but it makes me miss it!!! But I'm good with the 2 I have!! In the past 2 months my friend Lynne had a gorgeous baby boy, a friend of a friend had a baby boy, another friend found out she was pregnant and I just found out that my cousin in trying! Oh wow, I'm sure there are others that I just can't think of right now, but it is just babies everywhere! But I am extremely happy for them all!!! There is nothing like having a baby, there is no joy or love that is like it!! I don't know what I would do without my kids, they are so special to me, they are my world!! I think in Vegas I will be lost and bored, b/c Matt is at the expo till 4, so that leaves me by myself. I don't want to wander around all by myself, so what will I do with all that quiet?? I guess I better take the laptop!!! lol Anyways, gotta go for now, but I'll try to update more frequently!!